Johannesburg, South Africa

The age of the honourable man

The age of the honourable man

I find this “You’re a woman, you cannot tell a man how to be a man” notion ridiculous.

What do you mean that as a woman I cannot tell a guy what behavior is appropriate and what behavior isn’t appropriate? Yet you, as a man, have the ability to point out what appropriate female behavior is?

I love the world we live in, because often people who cannot justify their views go for the most illogical reasoning to defend their actions.

“You cannot tell a man how to be a man” is a cop out, as is the reverse of that with relation to females. You cannot undermine what I’ve been taught by the great men – father, uncles, brothers, cousins and boyfriends – in my life. I refuse to accept the notion that I don’t know what appropriate behavior is when I had such amazing role models my entire life.

I find that people forget that as humans, we learn how to behave in certain situations from those around us, the people in our lives influence how we see things, which is why raising kids in a toxic environment often does more bad than good.

I grew up with a father who was there, for everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything. He shaped and molded me and taught me how a man behaves, he was open and honest with me about his life and the things he had done growing up and even had the ability to explain to me why his behavior was inappropriate at certain points in his life. So he gained knowledge, and as a result raised my brothers in a manner that taught them how to respect women. He did all of this, with my mother right by his side.

Whenever I misbehaved, he called me to order, sat me down and explained to me why my behavior is inappropriate. If I didn’t understand, my mother would explain it to me in the context of what being a woman is about, granted, there were many mistakes I made, but I was sure to know that my parents would be right there guiding me through it.
So when I ask questions about the behavioral patterns of men, I’m doing it in comparison to the way I was raised, what I saw, the answers I got from the men in my life.

I realized just how intense the values that my parents instilled in me were, what was even more amazing to me, was even when he passed was that my uncles and brothers naturally assumed the roles of a “father figure”, and it’s not something they had been asked to do.

I find that my parents raised me in a manner that was to my benefit, the multiple lectures I received throughout my life have done nothing but help me flourish, I know that I’m far from perfect but no words have ever meant more to me than those “We’re proud of you” from my parents.

So when I question your behavior, like with most things, I am comparing it to the solid foundation that I had.

So dare to dream about telling me that I cannot tell you how to be a man, being a man is more than just being born with a penis, being a honorable man is something that is taught and re-enforced by the men in your life. It is the same way that men can point out what kind of behavior is inappropriate for a female; it’s what they have been taught by the women in their lives.

As an adult your behavior will be questioned, because it’s at that point that you are expected to understand the difference between right and wrong; but if you don’t, then maybe a solid introspection is something you need to look into doing.

The age of the honourable man has not ended.

  • khurume Tubatse
    May 21, 2014

    Well said, kip it up, if I may say myslf “proud of u Tubatse”

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